When People Say Goodbye

yesterday was my cousin's birthday, so happy birthday to her ..
today's joanna and prunella's birthday .. so happy birthday to them ..
hope all your wishes come true and may life be more beautiful as it goes on =p

it's really boring w/o "o" levels.. idling around at home doing nothing.. went for job interview with mishal and namira with her two sisters also.. at some ulu place called "arungmugan road" is it ?? i dont know if i spelt it correctly or not. waited for namira quite long. i thought i will be the latest haha.

we sat a cabby van thinking it can contain more humans. but actually it's the same. the driver didn't realise that there were 5 ppl on the cab. when he did, he nagged non-stop. about what insurance dont cover us if anything happens, he has to pay, blah blah blah. then saw traffic police so namira's sister had to hide. so the uncle was like, you all never obey rules, still go to a destination opposite the NPC. so me and namira were cursing and swearing behind him. nagged all the way. maybe if he didn't nag, the traffic police wouldn't have appeared at all.

reached there saw many many ppl applying for interview. so ulu yet so many ppl there. lester was there also, surprised to see him. mishal, namira and me went into the room together. lady was quite nice. all of us had funny answers to the questions. i think namira captured the lady's attention, mishal did well too. though i didn't say anything that bad but i gave really typical answers which is what they don't want to hear la. namira kept thinking that she did bad, but if i were the employer, i will employ ppl like her though not all her answer were to my liking. it's attitude la and maybe honesty. hmmm so maybe i give this job a miss.

my elder cousin told me that i could apply to be a primary school relief teacher with my prelim results.. should i try ?? or should i spare the children there ?? lols.. ANY MORE LOBANGS ?? CALL ME !!!!!

went to paya lebar to eat. saw a woman trying to convert another woman by touching her hands and saying prayers in a COFFEESHOP. ok, a lil bit ahems. the victim looks depressed haha, nvm, shan't comment on other religions.

walked around then went home by mrt. bathed and met jarrel to play pool. ah bai and vincent were there too. after headed to hougang mall play arcade. so boring la, nowdays getting abit lifeless. went home at 10pm.

msged ghim hian. thank him for chatting with me these 2 days. cheered me up and made me dream of him and LAUGH, not drool ok dude haha.

let's go watch VCD =) have a nice day.

jolynn signs off

' SHATTERED <3>
11/30/2006 10:40:00 PM

it's been sometime since i blogged after that issue. though i ain't feeling any better but i try not to let it affect the mood of people around me.

this week passed rather plainly. most of the time spent in the living room watching VCDs and dozing off on the floor with my blanket wrapped around me. eating loads of maggie noodles and junk food. still have not qualified for UGC. well, i don't intend to cause i may not be free on that day and even if i qualify, i also go there to push my friends up. so all i get is a t-shirt and voucher for 10bucks =.= no point la.

since he* does not need me to bother about him, i'll be very free these days until i find a job which is ages later. desperately looking for mahjong kakis, anyone mahjongs here call me ok ??

actually didn't want to go out today. went to NTUC in the noon. bought loads of stuff as mummy gave me 50bucks to buy household stuff. another 2bucks will entitle me to another point voucher. in case you all dont know what's that, it's a promotion.

$25 --> 1 point. then there's this kitchen set that requires 6 points and top-up value of $6.95. since NTUC sells all the thing we need everyday, so it's ok to spend alot there, not buying for the sake of the discount like what happens in other retail shops. so i bought the items all for $48.20. so it's a little more to the 2nd point earned. and the cashier didn't have the courtesy to remind me. normally they would tell you so that you can take something like sweets to add up. i forgot it was $25 to 1 point, i thought it was $30. what a waste. so my mum nagged the whole half an hour on this.

cooked lunch then ate. bathed. received a msg from jarrel saying that someone hacked into my msn acc and talked rubbish to him. hiyah, i can't be bothered with those bo liao people. msn only, won't cost me a cent. called him after that, and went over to his house.

chun hui house there too. he killing zakum until left 5 people there only but still got 3 hands and body. then he decided to quit cause it'll take very long to finish it off. meanwhile i pestered jarrel to play "2kar" mahjong with me LOL. then chun hui joined after dinner. won $5 today cause we play 5 cents 10 cents haha. so funny la. if play 10 cents 20 cents i'll be richer by another $5 haha.

jarrel accompanied me home. received msges from someone in friendster, surprised that he will contact me. he asked me for my number, but i dont want to give. cause his attitude hasn't changed and i don't like it one bit, never serious nor stable with his feelings. dont want history to repeat so it's best to practice abstinence. so ya, that quite sums up my day with cramps =(

jolynn is having stomach cramps =/

' SHATTERED <3>
11/28/2006 12:09:00 AM

currently in the deepest state of depression, no idea when can i see the light.

loving someone is hard, loving someone who doesn't love u is harder. loving someone whom u think still cares for u is BULLSHIT !!! cause he never cared. u lose your appeal, he tired of u. he wants someone new, so that he can love that someone like how he loved u.

he don't care, don't love u at all la !!! wake up stupid fool !!!! stop lingering around his life and putting effort there, it doesn't make him feel happier in anyway !!!

i already tried my best to change into a better girl. to be more feminine, less violent, less stubborn, more obedient whatever. i changed into someone whom i don't know. i don't know if it's better or worse but it's u who made me change.

but u can't accept the new me nor the old me. so why did i change, because i was foolish, silly, dumb, stupid to believe that u still care which u don't anymore. as long as i cannot be of any help, u won't even bother abt me. even if u called, it is to ask something from me, not to just spend time with me to tell me u care. am i providing company free of charge. visit u when u are sick or bored, try to take care of u whenever i can. what abt u ?? bother abt every other thing first before u even glance at me. spending time with me only when others aren't available. platonic relationship huh ??

what am i ?? a spare tyre ?? someone whom u can whack till death and just leave me there ?? someone whom u can do whatever u want then turn back and walk out on me ?? is that what i am ?? i'm really curious to know. why are u ignoring me now ?? because u can't benefit from my presence in any way right ??

no amount of tears can fill this ocean but this very drop signifies the death of our love. I HATE YOU !!!

' SHATTERED <3>
11/22/2006 11:28:00 PM

sorry, 1 hour late..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GUO JING !!!!!!

hope you'll find a mr nice guy and marry off so that you can be straight and not bisexual wahahaha, just kidding.. ("v") you loads ...

to contain my excitement a little more, i shall just yell "o levels are OVER !!!!" ahem, ok no voice due to much screaming on monday. sorry that i left halfway cause was really getting real exhausted as i didn't sleep the night before. went home after eating at PS instead of marina. good day overall.

mahjonged at jarrel's house at 12plus. only played one round so won $4.20. alex za hu 2 times but we were kind to let him off LOL. if not i'll be a rich woman. left at 3plus cause ah guo, yi sheng and marcus wanted to dye hair. so i tagged along and dyed my hair. it could have turned out nice until the lady boss chap ji ka. did a diff style of highlight that the assistant and i planned. she mixed a brighter colour too so it kind of don't blend with the base colour i chose. DAMNED !!! just because she wanna save time and also let her assistant learn new things, she sacrificed my image. still name themselves "TOP IMAGE" pui ar !!!

after the session, she still ask me if i'm satisfied and if i like the colour. i said no cause i look like some lian lian. she still dare say "ok ma, hen mei.." when i tried to hide the strand of outstanding gold fringe among the brown, she still took it out and said " don't put behind, like that cannot see, not nice." WA LAO !!!! her taste really buang. i already emphasized that i wanted it to be highlighted in a more natural way, not fashionable or what. using her "beer-seller" type of taste to do my hair. she added on " i charge u $60 will do" WTH !!!!! she sound as if that's a very cheap price considering that i didn't have my hair cut nor trimmed.

never ever go there for any purpose except to wash your hair cause their washing quite good. went to funland to find them. played 11 point with leong chun.went to eat then i went home first.

mummy's bringing me to cut and re-dye my hair either tomorrow or thursday. maybe rebond if i need to. =) going for job interview tomorrow, hope the manager don't be frightened off by my hair colour. wish me luck.

jolynn yak yak yak

' SHATTERED <3>
11/22/2006 12:58:00 AM

depressing day, depressing news.

1st--> didn't qualify for UGC.
2nd--> all other events that happened after that

i feel my future in darkness, but i just wish for the better. nevertheless, i still thank those who were by my side encouraging me and motivating me to study abit. thanks to tuition, er jie and namira muggeg together with me. thanks for those times we spent in hougang point with the usual gang. thanks for studying with me.

the thing this year is that, whatever i spot, it comes out in exam, but i just refuse to study. i open the textbooks and wander off in my mind. god has given me good luck and many opportunities and yet i have to let myself down like that. tell me, why do i exist.

what am i good as a human. bad temper, stubborn like a bull, big-headed, ugly, fat, arrogant, name whatever bad qualities, i'll have it in me. good qualities ?? i don't think i can squeeze out much about that. who do i exist??

jolynn is disappointed in herself.

' SHATTERED <3>
11/19/2006 12:02:00 AM

life is sooooo boring can. luckily i have my textbooks, exams, "er zhuo ju zhi wen" and tv to keep me company. these few days the same routine repeats. wake up, go to school, finish exam, buy rice, eat and watch vcd for 4-5hours, sleep, wake up and vcd watch again. until 12am then i start to mug.

yesterday's a-math paper was easy, but my effing peabrain just have to malfunction. lost 20plus marks due to careless and stupid mistakes.

today's F&N paper makes me wanna kill myself. i was telling gobi and friends that cereal, protein and vitamins may come out. probably they'll repeat that egg question. so some of them said no, so i forgo studying eggs and cereals, guess what. it came out in essay !!!! 30marks fly like that. luckily the other is about convenience food which we did during common test so i just recalled the answers though i can't really write out anything. whole section 45 marks !!!! tell me, how to pass !!!!!

i'm relying on one of these subjects for my b2, now must see lor. if sci and humanities i get better grades i may include them all in. if i can't get 20 and below, i'll consider retaking certain subjects ba. BOOOO~~~ seems like throughtout the exams, i haven't been feeling much stress, nor do i have the heart to really mug. perhaps if i really mugged, things wouldn't be so bad.

hais, where's my future. i shouldn't let him bother me now, why am i always thinking of him. get out of my life !!!! i wish i never loved him at all, it's so agonising to love someone who doesn't love you at all. yet maintain close contacts. HAIS !!!

tell me, what to do now ??

jolynn is confused

' SHATTERED <3>
11/18/2006 12:50:00 AM

woke up very late. slacked around, watch VCDs again. took a nap AGAIN. then namira msged me.

met her and er jie at mac drive-in at around 5plus. er jie say me on the way and sent me a rather funny msg. won't say here but if you are curious can ask me. sort of studied, but i only tried those questions that namira says she don't know how to do. the manager at mac so retarded la, he's the same person we saw at bishan mac last year haha. being a manager in mac earn alot ar?? he work there for so long lols.

ok, let's not digress. why i say he retarded ?? namira was wearing class jersey, so he shouted "NAMIRA !!!" gave us such a fright. i was wondering if he really knew her. then he added on "just testing" =.= very fun huh? lols, the crew there all very enthu and abt sot sot one lol.

namira was feeling upset as she was really stressed out, but she's ok now :)

went for tuition, did some practices. my P&C sucks, RV too. pray that i can get distinction for a-math lols. went to mac and got tempted to eat. half way studying er jie said something like "if i wear the jersey, he won't call my name, cause he can't see my name" so i LOL, you peeps must be wondering why. but only those who see her in real life will know the reason la haha.

encountered a question that we couldn't do, then called yeo yeo haha. msged him the question, his reply was sooooo funny la. then in the end he caught no balls so we shall meet him in school early in the morning tomorrow. hope he's able to save me abit.

chatted about teachers on er jie's parents' car. shall thank mr yeo, mr bay blah blah blah with the exception of one teacher but i can't name him/her now. but i guess it's pretty obvious la. nvm, i'm getting tired, let's have a good night's rest guys. ciao

jolynn mugs

' SHATTERED <3>
11/15/2006 11:54:00 PM

to add on to yesterday's post, i still have a few people i've yet to mention. not that they are forgotten, just that the post yesterday was far too long lols.

mishanini =x
ok her name is mishal, that's what we call her. kind of sporty in the beginning but after sec3, you see her munching away like nobody's business haha. she's one of the best captain ball players in class. okok, just to make her happy, she's a depp fan. happy??? been in the same class as her for 4 freaking years, facing all the shitty teachers and people. though we were never that close but it's always nice to have her sitting down with you, yakking and laughing your asses out. it's 4 long long years but the first time we eat together, only us was last fri wahahaha. had mixed veg rice. you drank teh oh ping, i drank teh ping haha. will miss the times we have in school, be it the canteen, classroom or the benches. friends always :)

si jie
what can i say about her ?? she loves to whine. she can whine about every little thing. pretty and sweet, say cute things at times. she's a child at heart and has a lovely boyfriend who treats her well. both of us love thai express. ever since she introduced me to teh red bean dessert, i always must eat it when i dine there haha. when she has yummy food lobang, she will tell me, and i'll always go back to school talking about how great the food was blah blah blah. thai express after Os ok ?? =p

christabel
haha gentle and easy-going. one of the yakkers in the canteen. tall and tanned. hmm don't really know what to say but she's a nice person to be with :) the inexpressable friend haha.

who else who else ... lemme think =x

' SHATTERED <3>
11/15/2006 01:51:00 PM

after reading gwendelyn's post, some emotions stirred in me. this post will be dedicated to the important people in my secondary school life.

er jie lynnette
though it's only two years we spent together as closer friends, but it's good whole 2 years together, mugging, crapping, vandalising each other's worksheets and going outta tune during choir. remember the times when lesson was far too boring to pay attention to. one of us would take out a pencil and start drawing ridiculous stuff on our books and papers. starting to laugh about nothing. it is like a daily routine for us to ask this question "eh, going canteen anot ?? help me buy leh ..." though it's not only you, but i wrote you first because you are the one who was stuck with me every lessons, tolerating my nonsense and mood swings. not forgetting gossips and bluetoothing "story films" haha. you've been sucha great friend, or rather, sister. we may walk different roads and pursue different dreams in future, but if one day you need a helping hand, remember i'm just a phone call away. thanks :)

guo jing
you are er jie de wai yu =p what i hear most from her is "wo de ta tui fei le .. wo de lain hao da .. blah blah .." we two are sort of inferior vainpots. we love to whine about the fats we have, promising to work in a boutique after o levels and go to marie france for slimming. LOL !!! complaning about a thousand things and "pakkak" to skip class. you are pretty, far better than me so stop complaining lols. don't so flirt la, got wai yu still find yi ye qing, wait kanna AIDS haha. call me up for marie france ok?? =p

namira
i would say you are the most interesting person i've met in my life. you love to burp i know. you idolise people like baihaki and shawn farris ?? i don't know how to spell haha. a-math took its toll on us but what's most important is the time spent having tuition and self-study period, when our brain juices flow as one *disgusting i know haha. anyway, beautiful times together as the bench. forty years later, let all of us meet there ok ?? haha.

lorraine
known to me for skipping exams and class, dozing off during lessons, complaining about o levels and of course as namira's bestie. you are seldom seen w/o namira or eling. a rather funny person i would say. but i hope that you'll work hard for your exams because as a friend, i do not wish to see you upset when u regret in future. study hard alright, take care.

gobi and nicholas
why do i put their names together ? because they are practically the same haha. they crack hilarious jokes and take after our secondary 1 form teacher, mr rahmat ali haha. they are nice people but rather yacky at times. though i am too, but a little bit less comparable to them wahahaha *my foot. it's fun knowing them and they played a part, making my secondary school life much better.

weenee
i love to call you zhuang5 wei3 ni2. ok i know there's no 5syllable in han yu pin yin but it's only known between that handful of people haha. great soprano 2 in choir, wonderful friend to talk and gossip to. will never forget you and the times we spent staying back in school doing nothing. :) cya soon and peishi also.

deemei
ok the most active girl i've ever seen. jumping about for at least 15hours day. your boyish hairstyle and character are what they makes you outstanding amongst us. you can seriously be the promoter of "keep fit for life" campaign wahahaha. lively girl, captain ball some time, er jie de wai yu de yi ye qing LOL.

my sotongs lies over the ocean,
my sotong lies over the sea,
my sotongs lies over the ocean,
so bring back my sotongs to me ...

sakura sakura,
mitsubishi suzuki,
doraemon pokemon,
sakura sakura,
nissan mazda mi ..................

by singing these songs, created by significant people, who are none other then the sotongs in e4. we were formed with 43 squids in total strength. after kota tinggi trip, that was when sotongs marched together as one. many discipline cases have been slapped right into our faces, but together as one, we have been defending our rights. as one, we never allowed anyone of us to be bullied, problems faced and solved together. writing lines for one another as punished by miss suan, reaching school in the wee hours to copy mr yeo's assignments, dozing off in mrs hee's lectures and of course cracking the lamest yet funniest jokes ever. when i playback the times we laughed in class, and press pause, the picture looks so beautiful, with keith's adding-ons to create laughter, ah chia's bubbly face, marcus's story-telling and of course many more with the rest of the class.

in year 2006, the strength of this class was increased to 45, with christabel and junan joining as new sotongs. we never treated them with contempt nor dislike. though they were only with us for a year, they have added quite an amount of joy to the class. the year starts in 2006 but will never end.

though towards the later months of this year, every sotong were busy with exams and stuff, the bonding may not be clearly shown on our interactions but is hidden in our hearts, 3e4(2005) and 4e4(2006) is a class that can never be forgotten, a class that unites as one. acheiving and scaling to greater heights, all as one.

in many years to come, we may not recognise each other anymore, but we'll definitely bump into each other, on the beautiful street called "life". will catch up with you guys, take real good care sotongs :) i haven't finished but i think it's long enough la haha !!!

emo i know. don't sound like me, kinda mushy, but that's the kind of feeling memories can give you. though my dad spoiled my childhood, but i think this is enough to cover it up =p thanks guys, every of you for being or not being there, all your presence makes a significance, so thank you.

authored by jolynn chew, known as the irritating one :)

' SHATTERED <3>
11/15/2006 12:29:00 AM

ok, a plain and simple day i would say .. it's actually due to exams which makes us sound like as if we are saving the world by studying .. ok whatever ...

woke up at 10am thanks to my beloved alarm clock being set wrongly .. went to opposite's coffee shop to buy chicken rice for breakfast .. because there's simply nothing in the house that's edible .. even the fridge is totally empty except for ice ... pathetic huh ???

watched a few VCDs ... got ready for school and left at 1pm .. joined riyanti, nicholas, gobi, jiahao and jia xin for revision .. namira and er jie came later ... went for the exam and it was like bullshit .. some unnecessary marks lost .. but still quite ok .. my aspiration is to get b3 for a-math so that mr yeo will jump down the building till he dies .. he says that if he doesn't, he'll climb up all over again and jump again ... *claps haha .. just kidding .. he won't kill himself cause of me, his "favourite" student .. but he did make that bet ... so he will have to comply ...

after exams i went home to bath, then meet namira, en hui and riyanti at hougang mall .. they finished eating by the time i reached so they just watched me eat LOL .. riyanti and en hui went home .. so i manage to persuade namira to study at mac ... wasn't that constructive at all cause relative velocity got us stuck for very long, didn't even finish 2 questions .. WTH !!!

met mummy and went to NTUC as i have mentioned, the fridge is empty .. bought loads of stuff .. she took her stuff i took mine ...

she asked:" this(every of the items i took) one how much ar ??"
me:" hehe, i dunno .."
mummy:" so u just take la, no need see one, u think i print money ar .."

LOL !!! took prawns, fishball, noodles, eggs, vegetables and not forgetting, yakult !!!!! i took 2 packets which means 10 .. but i already finished 5 already lols .. yakult is sooooo addictive ...

nothing more, went home and watched a few more movies .. it's movie day :)

jolynn lalalala

' SHATTERED <3>
11/14/2006 11:56:00 PM

hmmm today was bored ?? woke up, cooked noodles, met my brother and jarrel at my house downstairs .. thanks for your present though it's belated :)

went to hougang mall to study with jarrel with the intention to complete an a-math paper, but i didn't even finish one quarter haha .. cause the sofa was so comfy that it made both of us damn drowsy ... then went up to arcade to play .. walked around ... go to my house, feed the cats downstairs .. slept at playground .. very cooling and comfortable moment ... then went up as i was real tired ... FULLSTOP haha ...

to someone: thanks for keeping that model of "lalaland", glad that u kept the memory ... :)

jolynn fakes a smile

' SHATTERED <3>
11/13/2006 09:48:00 PM

For some time now it would seem that you have been frustrated and emotionally inhibited. The circumstances which appear to be beyond your control are making it very difficult for you to develop the detached emotional attitude that you seek.

You pretend that you are a carefree individual and that nothing really bothers you - that you are so self-sufficient that whatever problems beset you they simply flow off you as water flows off a ducks back. You are experiencing considerable stress, trying to conceal yourself from the rest of the world. In actual fact - deep down, you are not at all happy. You feel lonely and you need someone with whom you can 'Let your hair down' and share your hopes, dreams and high standards. You are imposing unnecessary self restraint on yourself. You would like to demonstrate the unique quality of your character to all and sundry.

You are moody and depressed at this time but it will pass. All of your hopes and dreams seem to have gone astray and you are fearful of planning further for the future. Disappointment at the non fulfilment of your hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety and you try to escape from this by withdrawing into yourself. But that is not the answer. You have the power to succeed, believe in yourself... all is possible to him who believes.

had nothing to do so did this test again ... and it's really so true la .. yesterday and today's feedback so accurate .. shall do this often to know what's going on in me ..

here the link again:
http://www.paulgoldinresearch.com/cg/index.htm

' SHATTERED <3>
11/12/2006 11:57:00 PM

LOL ... went to meet jason at my house downstairs again ... he called around 10plus .. so went down to pass him things ... kevin and his wife were there too ...

went opp, sit down talk talk abit ... then jason and amanda went aside to talk about i-don't-know-what ... then kevin suaned me saying i was very young .. well .. that's a good thing isn't it ?? then we 3 stared at jason cause he called us down for nothing esp me LOL .. then walked home while they went to interchange to take bus home .. am cheering up already .. thanks guys :)

jolynn smiles

' SHATTERED <3>
11/12/2006 11:45:00 PM

what a disappointing day .. but the better part was that i met up with jason and he cheered me up :) he really has a way with me ... probably that is what that makes him significant ... thanks friend, i'll never forget your efforts =p

jolynn feels so much better and relieved ..
*wanna be single

' SHATTERED <3>
11/12/2006 09:15:00 PM

You are longing for some love and affection at this time - not that you have been deprived of tender loving care - but there are times when everyone needs to try something new or to go 'somewhere' else to perhaps experience that little extra 'understanding'.

Everything seems to be going against you at this time. Try as you may you are meeting with considerable resistance at every turn. Nothing is going as you would plan. The situation is difficult and you are trying to persist in your objectives against resistance. It would appear that you are being very secretive about your future plans just in case people around you try to thwart you.

There are times of everyone's life when 'compromise' is the name of the game and this is the time, so you have no alternative but to forgo some pleasures for the time being. You are capable of achieving satisfaction through physical activity.

Having experienced considerable disappointment of late and not knowing quite what to do about it this has led you to suffer a great deal of agitation and anxiety. You are trying very hard to make favourable impressions all round. You feel that you have a right to do anything that you wish without being condemned for your beliefs. Everything seems to be going against you and you feel helpless to change the situation. The possibility of failure is most upsetting and this situation is leading to untold stress. You honestly believe that the situation is not of your making - it is not your fault - you have been misled and abused by those that you trusted, but you are trying to look at the situation quite dispassionately. Would you perhaps not agree that this situation could be regarded as unrealistic self justification?

You are worn out - suffering from what has been described as 'burnout' and nothing seems to stimulate you to break away from this state of lethargy. This situation is causing an acute distress situation and not being able immediately to resolve the problems is exposing you to excess stress and tension. You are endeavouring to break away from this situation by withdrawing into a state of 'Never Never Land' - an illusory substitute world in which things could be as you would like them to be. Now is the time to take time-out - to relax. A short break is all that you need and you will find that matters will resolve themselves.

quite true ... finally found half the words i wanted to use to express my feelings ... as for the other half, it's buried inside ...

try to this, go to: http://www.paulgoldinresearch.com/cg/index.htm

jolynn in deep thoughts of YOU*

' SHATTERED <3>
11/12/2006 01:20:00 AM

#%@#$%^$ lost 20bucks in mahjong today .. i lost 10bucks, jarrel lost another 10 .. recently so unlucky, alot of my "man tai" tiles cannot win ... change already then previous one come, if not then other people keep my tiles never throw ... forget it, i probably spend more if i went out ...

darling's falling sick =((( having exams, can't really do anything for him, so sad la ... BOO~~~ on the bus, my little pig was sleeping on my shoulder .. he say sleep on my shoulder neck very pain, cause have to stretch alot ... i know you very tall la haha ...

halfway through, listened to some songs then thought of ***** ... almost wanted to cry, but i told myself not to .. cause i already made the promise to forget .. even if it will hurt me for a long time, i have to do it ... as i personally already told him that i'll let go of all the memories i had with him and move on .. do not look back, but move on ... yeah i will ...

lent darling some money for his very very late dinner cause we lose until no money le haha .. poor him, losing so much weight =(((( pains me to see him like that ... take care of yourself ok ??? finish that 3 bottles by today ar, don't eat too much of the biscuits at a time ... love ya ...

jolynn goes to sleep

' SHATTERED <3>
11/11/2006 10:59:00 PM

those stressful papers are down, feel much more relieved though other papers are quite important to me but are less content-based ... when i need to study, i always cannot manage to wake up on time .. when i don't need to, see ?? i'm here blogging already haha..

some of you may think i'm crazy BUT i'm going for a mahjong session later :) i can die w/o it .. initially, jarrel and i were intending to play with elmo and alex ... however, that damned elmo decided to leave his phone battery dead and not charge it ... and sleep at 8am so that he cannot wake up on time ... i seriously feel like slaughtering him ... IS BUTCHER KNIFE SHARPER OR FRUIT KNIFE ?? should have told me earlier that he wanna sleep don't want play then can find one more "kar" ..

well let's be magnanimous, forgive and forget LOL well, big word used on this peanut issue .. haha .. so luckily, jasmine's magical message flashed across jarrel's computer screen ..

your gf never say want play mahjong ar ??

BINGO, i was just about to ask her about that wahahaha ... great timing to curb my mahjong needs .. so will be off to darling's house and then to her house at about 1plus .. win or lose nvm, i just play for the sake of fun .. WEEE~~ ang tiong, qing fa, bai ban, here i come ~~~~

jolynn goes amok

' SHATTERED <3>
11/11/2006 11:27:00 AM

everybody congratulate me !!!! my chances of failing my exams is 90% !!!!

chemistry --> 80% don't know how to do
physics --> 60% blur
e-math --> all should be ok, 5% not confident
english --> think can pass
chinese --> hack care
SS --> ok but boderline passes ??
geog --> misread 1 ques, 12 marks !!! DAMN !!!

nvm, these few days were soooo boring can ... wake up, go to school, after school eat .. go home bath, meet jarrel, go MOS burger, STUDY =.= ok meeting jarrel not sian but studying has taken its toll on me.. but i shall just tolerate for one more week and i'll be like a free bird lols .. maybe joining john's girlfriend to work at far east .. probably taking up a full time job as it pays more.. haha.. but i'll have no time for friends =((( BOO BOO~~~

nothing to do, go icy towering :)

jolynn mugs

' SHATTERED <3>
11/10/2006 09:46:00 PM

after the whole week of chionging, i think my brain's exhausted .. can't seem to absorb anymore.. keep feeling like sleeping, just cannot register anything.. tomorrow's geog, i did very badly for science, so i have to depend on humanities.. one last lap, GO JOLYNN !!!!!

after this it will be much more relaxed.. timetable for o levels seriously sucks.. and the science papers, are so diff in question structure from previous ten year series ... well wish me luck ...

jolynn faints

' SHATTERED <3>
11/08/2006 09:46:00 PM

after listening and reading everything, i realise what a bad GF i can be.. always putting my BF in a difficult spot and wanting him to tolerate all my nonsense.. well, it's hard to please me, this demanding petite girl of yours.. OOPS, petite shouldn't be used on phat girls like me. the correct word should be "obese".. after so many nights of munching, i guess i gained like 378932647825 kilos.

sometimes i just wonder, i always whine and complain of getting hurt.. but now i feel that i hurt him more than he hurts me.. i can hurl the most sacarstic words ever, but do not mean it.. though he hurts me through his actions but my words probably left a deeper impact..

i don't know what it's becoming now, not looking forward to the future though.. perhaps i just want time to go slower so that everything won't end so fast.. when i do self-reflection, i see the ugliest sight a human ever has.. i'm sucha life hazard..

off to school =.=

jolynn in deep thoughts..

' SHATTERED <3>
11/08/2006 06:33:00 AM

the main reason why i'm here now is obviously because i cannot get to sleep.

yeah, i cried, i am a crybaby. a troublesome one. why am i soooooo stupid ?? what the use of crying and missing so much when he doesn't know it. what the use of all this when he won't care even he knows it. stupid f***ing bitch. all i know i cry and regret. what more can i do.

all i can do now is look at you from far, wishing that you'll always be ok.

i prayed to GOD for you life to be the most wonderful and smooth...

GOD: but everyone should have their share of downs. if i take them away from him, then where should i put them ??

ME: please put it all on me, because i owe him just too much. put it on me, because i wanna be the one who silently loves him.

i said that but half the time i wondered, can this ever happen?? maybe it can, as long as i tried. can you feel a heart beating just for you ?? a life that lives for you ?? perhaps, it's just a stalker that you feel, who cannot be shook off, and is more of a hindrance than help to you. that's why i hide behind the walls just for you not to see me but only me who can see you. i hope you'll be happier this way.

avoiding is all i can do now. i cannot do anything direct for you except for disappearing. the only way for me to forget is to avoid. though i really wanna work hand in hand with you for sucess but i may cause you more troubles instead. so i rather vanish from your sight. as you will never have me in your world. you said it will me better for me to look ahead and forget. it is now that i realise that you mean it and will never go back on your words.

after all these struggling, and waiting, you still don't love me. so i probably don't have much of a choice. remember what i said ??

" if you've found the confidence in me, that i'll stand by you through hardships .. then come back, i'll be waiting .. but please don't make me wait too long .. i'm tired .. i love you .. "

i guess these words of mine have to cease effect as from now onwards. i just told him that i'll avoid him for sometime. so maybe perhaps a few years down the road, we bump into each other, it'll be all so diff. him perhaps with his house, car, wife and kids. while me, just alone on my own, strolling the streets in search of my right one. take care love.

jolynn ponders
*the excruciating agony

' SHATTERED <3>
11/03/2006 02:14:00 AM

lame day la haha. woke up at 11plus =x supposed to meet leong chun at his school at 12pm.

reached AMK at 12plus, jarrel came to fetch me cause i forgot how to go funland. slacked around then went back to NYP. ate my lunch. when leong chun finish his lessons, just nice jarrel had to go for lesson lols. so we met eugene at YCK.

took a bus to funland. talked about the backside thingy LOL. they say next time i come in NYP i will be the legend. once i step in everybody "pang hong chia" don't know what it means haha. but should be something bad. jarrel joined us later. wanted to play para para but got some girsl kept playing. so we went to eat then went back.

ah guo and friends came around 6plus. slack awhile then they played billiard while i ka jiao them haha. now i can officially go in to the snooker rooms lalalala. felt real sian, so went home.

jarrel ar, don't so moodless la, i ahev to smile to make u smile until my face muscles ache u know lols.

thanks leong chun for your present which comes with the price tag x)))

jolynn yawns

' SHATTERED <3>
11/02/2006 09:19:00 PM

tiring day. but not that tired also. woke up around 10plus after 11 miss calls from jarrel. i finally dragged myself up. bathed and went to NYP. my dressing was kinda wierd la. since buy already just wear lor, i also do not exactly fret over my appearance.

jarrel kept laughing. *punches and kicks. today he quite poor thing la, keep kanna my attacks. then met leong chun too.

so there was this guy sitting behind me, which is in front of leong chun as he was facing me but not directly. don't know how to explain la. then his buttline was flashing at us. WTF !!!! so i decided to be playful. went over and say "erm excuse me, ni de ku zi hou mian zhao geng hen duo leh" he kept apologising. i thought usually people say thank you instead haha. but imagine a girl telling him this in front of all his guy friends.

actually it's common seeing girls wearing hipsters accidentally showing their buttline. that one i'm fine with it. guys they wear boxers, so not so bad. but guys with their buttlines leaking outta their asses is hilarious to look at la. leong chun and jarrel could not stop laughing. they thought i very daring but maybe i too thick-skinned. haha, i actually feel that it's alright to play pranks on them =x

after that went to funland to play. so not fun.then went to mos burger with jarrel to study. talk alot do one question haha.then somehow i fell asleep for awhile. then woke up and chiong a-math. did not study social studies as planned =( BOOO~~~ i think i'm gonna flung it for sure. mon is the paper and i haven't even got a single chapter memorised. DAMN. nvm, not gonna include humanites in my aggregate. went up to zone-x to play a few rounds of initial d. listening to those noobs talking crap, i actually find them rather cute. except for the one which is a friend of my schoolmate, trying to rebutt everything when he don't know a thing. act pro when he suck at that game haha. forget it, he smells, so i stood real far away from him. *press nose

went to tuition. waited for er jie very long. she was late. so me, jarrel and namira were sitting outside in the cold. then we saw shing rong walking out. we were like "she's inside ??'' how come we never see haha. so went in. er jie today keeping saying things make me curse so many times haha. then went to KFC. ate and went home.

jason called on the way. haha to keep his promise he made yesterday. but i told him to call when i reach home. ended up in msn instead. but also not much to chat, unlike the past. oh well, it's the past, let's not brood over it. i still have others to handle. like that hearts i've broken, i have to take responsibility for that as it was due to my selfishness. maybe i should give myself a break and decide what i really want. perhaps jason cannot be include in my choice already cause i have got no right to choose him. now is either i remain single and focus on whatever job i end up with, if not i patch things up with jarrel and cope with 3 things.

oh like whatever. let nature take its course ba. though i know what i really want, but i should never expect things to go my way. *prays.

jolynn build castles in the air

' SHATTERED <3>
11/02/2006 12:37:00 AM