When People Say Goodbye

have not been sleeping normal hours since exams were over. it seems such a long time but actually it's only been a month since it was over. no wonder i'm still unemployed. interviews all end at 5pm or so, i wake up only at 4pm. who will employ this lazy pig to work for them haha.

stuck at home watching VCDs again. but it's also the VCD's fault what, make me buy them and go broke. left with 20bucks for 5days or more. very poor thing can !!! cause i have sooooooooooo much that i want to do, but just have no more cash.

1) eat sakura
2) outing with my 3 other jie meis
3) mahjong session with elmo and friends
4) eat the "jin sha xie"
5) buy clothes
6) more VCDs
7) to try out all the food i've always wanted to try

recently i think i have very active digestive systems and taste buds. i keep craving for food, and whenever i see something nice advertised on media, i will want to try it. don't believe, ask jarrel haha. i've been whining to him that i wanna go here and there, eat this and that. so as a very poor friend of mine, he has no choice but to acc me. i wanna go so many places in a day, so we always have trouble which to try first. i always end up having mood swings cause i can't try other food. how fussy can i be, somemore, i'm not that rich also.

now that i'm broke, i'm only left with instant noodles and vegetable for my meals =( i can't even afford to restock my supply of ferrero rocher, SOB.

today i suddenly wanted to eat KFC, but i got no money !!!! just nice mummy called so she bought it for me. but my delightedness was put out later on. i told mum that we will share the meal, so she bought 3piece chicken meal, but that "muddle-headed i-don't-know-who kuku nathan" staff of KFC only gave 2 pieces, SCAMMED !!! worse still, my mum knows that i don't eat chicken breast meat, and chicken wings are not worth the money, so she requested not to include those parts in the meal. and the ^%$#$^%*^ staff give us a piece of chicken wing, and one big stinking chicken breast meat. so poor me, have to curb my craving of KFC with a pathetic small teeny wheeny chicken wing. IF ONLY I HAD SOME MONEY.

how i wish i don't get hungry easily now. every night i dream of suki sushi and sakura, the crabs, the steamboat. curse that damned SCV-less television of mine, almost 70% of the advertisement is about food.

ok, after saying soooooooooooo much, who's willing to donate ??? 10cents also can ... sighs ... jolynn is hungry and lonely at home again :(

' SHATTERED <3>
12/27/2006 03:56:00 AM

just in time to wish everyone merry x'mas =) atmosphere not too good this year but nvm haha.

jarrel and those guys went whacking the bangalas at orchard yesterday LOL. as for me, i spent it in my relative's house, looking after little cousins and sleeping wahahaha. nothing much except that i got to watch the show "elf" after so long since it stopped showing in the theatres.

bumped into wee nee and glen at PS, shopped while waiting for jarrel. ended up spending lots of money. headed to Raffles hotel to support victoria chorale. it's a VJC and their alumni combined choir. very very nice carolling but many of our friends called at the wrong time so wasn't able to record the whole thing. amazing performance by them. *cheers

ate loads of rubbish in this season. actually intended to go to Toa Payoh to look for the "jin sha xie" to eat but in the end jarrel had to meet friends so we ended up having thai express for lunch =( wee nee and glen left halfway. so jarrel and me went to heeren to get his jacket. then met the rest at atrium.

slacked there till 9plus, then i rushed back to catch my show haha. have been missing many episodes since mid dec. nothing much.

merry christmas to one and all !!!! pass me presents if u have some for me =p

' SHATTERED <3>
12/25/2006 11:31:00 PM

ate soooo much for the past few days. buffet on the 21st, ate like mad. at first we ordered 3 softshell crab tempura so the serving was all on one plate. later on elmo and jarrel wanted more of that so we ordered 3, however, the softshell crab piled like a mountain on TWO plates. what a queer sight la. must be the last 2 crabs too fat =.=

today woke up around 3pm, went to atrium to look for them. mixed veg rice and some dunno what dessert for lunch. after that they went to LJS, i ate again. walked around the town area, ate ice cream. jarrel bought fries, i ate that too. reached home at 10plus, cooked noodles and eat AGAIN. tell me, how much can a person eat in 9hours ??

this morning my mum irritated the hell out of me la. she pinched my upper arm, lifted it up and told me "WA, i never cook for u to eat u still can become so fat ar .." $#@#$^%$& WTH la !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she still dare say ar, never cook for her children, never do housework, also very fat what !!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrr....

that's the end, off for somemore munching. any job lobang ??? call me !!! i'm unemployed still =(

' SHATTERED <3>
12/23/2006 12:14:00 AM

PHEW !!!! UGC's over. been an exciting two days of competition, not exactly so cause i kept dozing off. practically almost everyone lacked of sleep haha. congratulations to the winners jarrel, SQ, elmo, benny, wei jie and ah guo. other winners whom i don't know who " you heng ar !!!! don't let me see you next time LOL" just kidding. hope ah guo enjoys his $50 tapz card voucher lols SHIT LA YOU !!! too bad for leong chun and yi sheng, they had very bad luck this year.

another happy thing is that i had KFC for dinner on both days =p i'm at jarrel's house now, waiting for that pig leong chun to make his way down. curtis too, he's getting his results today, wish him luck. MAHJONG MAHJONG !!! hehe, see ya guys =p

jolynn finally blogged

' SHATTERED <3>
12/18/2006 03:14:00 PM

i'm here to congratulate jarrel for winning the UGC IDVAS3 =) new champ for this year's stock category. hope u win the tuned category too =p

CONGRATULATIONS !!!!!

real tired day for me, have not slept for two days. i don't know why is jarrel so happy today, but nvm, sweet dreams for him too. goodnight guys !!!!

written on 16th dec 10pm

' SHATTERED <3>
12/17/2006 08:44:00 AM

well, life's still not going very well for me but i'll take it a step at a time.

i really hate my family now, more and more each day. i wonder if they really care for me or themselves. ask me go back home like so early, yet they don't wanna talk to me =.= they complain this about me that about me. other teenagers outside are like partying and going to chalets or staying overnight at their bestie's house, and me ?? going home at 10pm everyday. and guess what they say " so late already !!! you ar, everyday go out blah blah blah ..." everyday go out huh ??

i stay at home 4days in a week which is like miracle cause i never did it for the past 15years of my life. so if they think i'm really a bad child to have then why keep me at home ?? my mum says that it's dangerous for me to stay out late at night with my stubborn and dunno what temper, surely something is bound to happen to me, so by keeping me at home helps huh ?? if i continue staying at home like that, not learning how to step out in the society, i will change is it ?? that's just plainly some lame excuses la. want me stay at home, they also must do their part right. get things like SCV and proper internet connection ?? sofa instead of stupid wooden chairs.

actually i have nothing againse wooden chairs, it's just that i don't like sitting on them. so i never complained OK, i just sit on the floor. and my mum yak yak yak yak yak !!!! tell me why !!!! why are they making things soooooo diff and boring for me. why are they making my life like that. it's after "o" levels u know !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! not everyone gets more pocket money than me, but at least they have their own freedom unlike me. it's so diff not to see me at home for a day ?? then find something that will keep me at home luh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cannot even bring my friends home, then the house is like SHIT !!! and they blame me for not staying at home, like what FUCK is this !!!

i swear if nothing changes, i'll leave home at the age of 17, if not 21. when i have to ability to support myself, i shall leave home and depend on myself, that gives them no reason to keep me at home. so naive to think that like will be better after "o" levels, bullshit. it's only become worse. i hate my family, i hate them !!! now it's includes my mum too, cause she plays a very big part making the home like that. FUCK MY LIFE FUCK EVERYTHING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

why can't i have a happy family like most of the teenagers do ?? i don't wanna be rich, i don't want alot of money. i just need understanding parents that have trust in me. i need my freedom. or least parents who really care, cause if they did, they will know that i really need freedom. instead of tying me at home so they will feel at ease. how ridiculous.

scenario one

father calls....

father: why are you not back at this time(9.30pm) !!!

me: is it very late ?? other o level graduates are enjoying themselves at chalets and clubs, here u are complaining when i don't even stay out after 10pm.

father: where are you now, you better come home quick.

he's plainly ignoring my feelings la. so this is what they call "care". and guess what's the best thing about this whole incident ?? when i reach home, he goes out. SEE !!! does he have to chase me home successfully to show me that he cares ?? BULL SHIT LA !!! i don't know how angry am i now, but i just feel like running away, leading a normal like that a teenager should have. fancy not even being to a chalet or stay overnight even once after "o" levels. not even after midnight. DAMN !!!!

it's not like i wanna go clubbing at that types of places, even chalet also cannot ?? they are really going overboard.

fine i listen to them i stay at home. so in the day, TV programmes are boring (who ask them not to get SCV) so i sleep in the day. and watch movie at night until next morning. they also wanna scold me, just what do they want !!! this cannot that cannot. they love to see me soooo much, i stand in front of them, they also scold. when i don't go out, they find me a hindrance at home, then WHAT !!! FUCKING IDIOTS !!!

i'm trying soooo hard to please them and they are like taking it for granted. wait till i run away from home, they report to police. if the police know the problem, they will ask them to gimme freedom, by then that will definitely have no choice. even if they wanna see me, they also won't get to. if not i wait till i'm of legal age, i just stay out whenever i like. i've already warned them and told them straight in front of their faces " either u give me more freedom now, or u wait till i run away from u.." they choose to do this, they wait and see, i'll make them regret. and maybe i should just tell them "giving me more money don't help, because i have no means of spending them, stupid !!!"

if they are nicer people i wouldn't have mind staying at home, but all they say is nonsense that doesn't make sense at all, so they expect me to be the same and believe what they say ?? come on !!! i have my life, i can't keep living for you selfish bastards. what do they get used to me being around ?? i have to leave them one day.

when will they ever try to understand me with a heart of a parent who really love their child ?? how can i possibly talk to them when all they think of is themselves ?? they may say that it's for the sake of me, but it was never true. i'm forced to go home just for them to see me and feel at ease, not for the sake of safety. no one ever cared if i'm happy, no one ever spared a thought for me. they had never gave me a complete childhood, and now they are stopping me from living my life. did they give birth to me for me to die ??

they don't seem that bad as they look, but if u live with them it's really soooo terrible. why can't i have normal parents who care and love for their child like others do ?? why can't i exchange money for these happiness ?? sighs

' SHATTERED <3>
12/15/2006 05:57:00 PM

nothing to do these days.
match on sat with TRF was ok. we won but there were much disputes and conflicts around people there regarding a few very guai lan people.stayed there till 9plus before taking train home with elmo and my brother.

10th dec

today is jason's birthday, but he still doesn't wanna talk to me anymore. well, i wished him happy birthday, at least i did all i could. perhaps i've put too much pressure on him, and have frightened him off with my temper and attitude. he may not talk to me forever, but nevertheless, i'll still treat him as my friend, someone whom i care for.

went to pray with my mum. i proceeded to find benny at AMK. he was dying his hair for the umpteenth time haha. ri ming was there too. met leong chun and yisheng. marcus and jia hao came along later on. it's the first day i know jia hao la, talked quite abit, quite a nice guy. ah guo came down in the evening. poor nono, studying at home LOL.but i even more poor thing ok. why ?? the reason goes like this:

jia hao: standing in front of you(riming) i feel very safe cause you ren gao ma da, meaning fit and tall la, big size like body guard.
ri ming: laugh
sme: zhong kan bu zhong yong, means nice to look at not nice to eat =x

ri ming hit me on the head, i hit back. he returned another of course. but this time, i chose to kick him, and guess what. the straps of my slippers snapped !!!! nobody wanted to carry me to the nearby shoe shop so i dragged ri ming to walk with me there. he was laughing like mad can !!!!!!! so torturing can, shoes are soo precious to a human's feet LOL.

all of them laughed when we went back to zone x. went home at 7plus to watch start awards.
personally i feel that people like ivy lee, kelvin tan, elvin ng, michelle chia, gurmit singh blah blah blah, don't deserve their awards.

it was obvious that among the 5 short-listed actresses, ivy lee has the worst acting skills. compared to ann kok and other nominated actresses, she was a big notch lower. michelle chia hosted in a few variety shows but has yet to venture in acting, so why is she in it ?? elvin ng, he has acted in small parts of very few drama series, and has not shown much on screen. kelvin tan is the controversial one, he sings well. not to criticise him, as a matter of fact, he is blind. so the question is " how to act ??" he got the newcomer award, fine nothing wrong with that. but he got in top 10 fav actor award, which means that people with potential like chen han wei and others do not get their merit for their efforts. gurmit singh have not even acted in any channel 8 or channel u 's shows. so why is he getting it.

all these are my personal view la, or maybe my mum's also. haha.

11th dec

lunched at cafe cartel today, food was ok unlike the other time. went to NTUC to buy household stuff. alot of shopping today, met alot of inconsiderate and impolite people. don't wish to talk so much about them. some problems with the lights in my house, HURRAY !!! cause i never liked brightly-lit places. i whined for 16years having to live in a house with white painted walls and many many lights. uncle came over to fix *so fast =(

waiting for ASIAN games now, and also for connection to post up all the above i've been complaining about. BOO HOO !!!

' SHATTERED <3>
12/11/2006 11:22:00 PM

grrrrrr ... didn't publish the previous post successfully, so have to re-type =.= sooooo many things i wanna do but now i'm only waiting for money to drop from the sky. imagine being stuck at home watch VCDs all day for 2 weeks.

VCDs i wanna buy

- deathnote --> simply too nice, must watch again
- rob-b-hood
- i not stupid too --> i lost the one i bought, nice one too.

movies to watch

- deathnote 2
- casino royale
- happy feet
- step up
- open season (forgot the name)

tell me !!! how much money will i need. i still owe many many presents. his birthday is coming up real soon also but i doubt i need to get him a present cause i'm not treated like his friend anymore. so i shall just hide behind that wall and wish him happy birthday, as long as he's happy i'm alright. maybe one day i'll see him dating his new GF right behind that very wall. perhaps even his marriage. WHATEVER ARGHHH !!! why talk about him again !!! FORGET FORGET FORGET !!!

off to watch ASIAN games, may be back to report some new again =p

FORGET !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bastard jolynn !!!

' SHATTERED <3>
12/08/2006 10:07:00 PM

Rot at funland nowdays, but it’s better than rotting at home la haha, but spending more time outside also means wasting more money. Have to wait 2 more weeks before I can touch my beloved mahjong tiles again lols.

Went to marina for steamboat on the 6th. It was a 2e1 (2004) class gethering. Had fun with the live prawns and rotten shells there haha. Ate a lot, played arcade, gossiped, crapped, shouted and took photos. Shall post them up when I have connection. That will be about 10yrs later.

Many of my birthday presents have not come. Promised ones, unpromised ones. But I can’t say much because I’ve forgotten to get quite a number of presents also=x sorry guo jing haha. Many more birthdays coming up too, so I’ll be expected to declare my bankruptcy by the end of this month. Hoping for the better in year 2007.

Well, all I can say is that 2006 has been a very bad year for me. Lost many precious people in my life, erm, maybe only one. Not doing well for exams, losing all the god-given opportunities. Did many many things that I’ll regret especially exams. I’m praying for year 2007 to be good, getting a not so bad result for “o” levels, hopefully turning the soured friendships back to sweet, for him to achieve his goals and be successful, for me and mum to be happier, in summary, for a better future.

I’m feeling really hungry now, I don’t know why, but I haven’t decided to get my butt off the computer and grab some snacks. Talked on the phone with jarrel until 8plus in the morning on the 7th because jarrel had to stop himself from falling asleep at 5 plus in case he can’t wake up later. So we hanged on till 8plus.

Slept till 4.30pm then benny called, so I went down to funland. Talk talk talk a lot today, went home around 9plus. How boring, early journeys home can be annoying because it is crowded and there have to be irritating people on board. Lovey-dovey right behind me, yet not lowering their volumes. Kicking the back of my seat, allowing me to “eavesdrop” on their conversation. It’s pretty obvious that the guy is trying to woo the girl by using some of the stupid tactics to get sympathy first. I just hate it when guys try to behave so soft. No manliness at all, yucks. Ok I admit, I prefer macho guys haha.

Watched “chu lu” and ASIAN games today. Congratulations to the athletes for winning medals. Tao li got a gold for SG, great job. Bowling team got 2nd, didn’t get to watch that as it wasn’t telecasted at the time I was watching the games.

But the match between xing ai ying from SG and don’t know who from korea was really interesting. Very long rallies, though SG lost but it was worth the watch. SG player was only 17years of age and is an amateur in this competition, while the Korean was a hot favourite ranking don’t know how many in the world. The last game was close and both players are tired out. 27mins game at the last game, longest timing I’ve ever seen. Good start for ai ying, probably see her in the later years.

On the other hand, joscelin yeo produced disappointing results this year. She almost got a bronze for the 200m individual medley, but during the backstroke, she was too near the lane barrier so she had to look out, careful not to be disqualified so that slowed her down. At other events she also didn’t manage to clinch her medal. I’m not a great fan of her but I thought she used to be very famous, and had got many medals. So I kind of had the wrong impression. But still, great effort. Can’t remember anymore names.

This part is a little not so nice la, but I personally have some prejudices against china, korea and tai pei east players. Cause they tend to shout after every point they score, very very loudly and unfriendly. It kind of affects the mood of their opponents la, and also rather annoying for me. Giving me the impression that they are very arrogant or something. That’s why Li Li from SG complained about the tai pei east player so her opponent had to shhhhhh. Sounds abit not so nice, sorry if I offended anyone reading this but it’s a personal remark, hope you don’t take it to heart.

Ok I noticed something, I sound like I’m reporting sports new in singlish, shall stop here before I get tempted to write another essay about ASIAN games LOL. Goodnight guys.

' SHATTERED <3>
12/08/2006 08:35:00 PM

internet connection in my home is scarce nowdays, so i'm trying to update as often as i can. save in notepad when there's no connection, and then post everything at once when there is. so bear with the looooonnnggg posts ya.

life still sucks for me. did nothing much these 2 days. spent most of my time at AMK funland and zone x. but had fun. still trying to search for good lobangs. might try NTUC income in bras basah, asked my father to check out with his friend already. hopefully the job not as boring as what my mum described it as.

till now i still can't forget him. but i've made up my mind to succeed one day. so no matter in the end i will make it or not, i will just try. now the important thing is to TRY. i still hate my house. sofa-less, SCV-less, connection-less, air-con-less, FOOD-less and LIFELESS. but overall, still a nice place to sleep. the only thing i can tahan doing in this house is sleeping. cause when i close my eyes, i won't get to see the dire straits it's in. well, ok nonsense.

nothing much to blog actually. will be joining 2e1(2004) peeps to marina for steamboat tmr. hopefully diliang will meet me earlier with some other peeps i don't know who. then i no need to waste my afternoon doing nothing.

that's all, thank you for spending time and effort reading random posts.

jolynn grins

' SHATTERED <3>
12/05/2006 11:41:00 PM

all the below posts are posted one day later =)

1st dec

i may have lost a thousand friends ( as if i have that many ) due to my f**king attitude or whatever shit. some i may feel the pinch but recently, i have lost many many many friends, however, i feel as if nothing had happened.

i am numbed by the thing called "life". in life, people say it consist of work play, family, friends blah blah blah. but i can only say, life is plainly AGONY. everything is like shit. life is just taste like the mixture of curry, tomato, chilli, mayonise, BBQ, sweet sour, teriyaki, pepper, salt, sugar, honey, jam, wasabi and tartar sauce. it just SUCK !!!!

i can't be bothered. even i'm left with no friends, i also can't be bothered. those who don't like me, you don't have to pretend anymore, wanna leave just leave. i'm sick of facing masks everyday. and the worse thing is, i see through them. how i wish i am that innocent to overlook everything.

a thousand casual friends is nothing compared to 1 true friend. where is the one ???

2nd dec

attended mr bay's wedding, felt a lil happy for him. why a lil ?? cause i've alrdy stated that i'm numbed. throughout the ceremony, my mind was in a total blank. the only thing i was wondering is "why is it taking so long ?? why is the pastor preaching instead of solemnising the marriage ??" ok that sounds rude but i don't know how to give people my blessings when i need god to bless me now.

went to jurong point after that. cheered up abit cause that's a place where i crap alot. when we went to KFC for dinner(sorry elmo, kfc again haha), there is one small yet unforgetable thing. elmo don't eat fish nor veg, so we bought the buddy meal, i took the fish he took the chicken. people who eat KFC with me often will know that 2 piece chicken is my fav. so when i see people eating it, i get tempted, but i just gave mine up to elmo since he can't eat fish.

then i told him "i hate to see people eat 2 piece chicken in front of me when i'm not eating it myself, cause i get very tempted."

so without complains, he offered me one of the pieces. at that point of time i was thinking "he doesn't like fast food, but he has a big appetite."

so i asked him "what if you not full ??"
he replied "you can have it, i'll get something else later. you like it, you can have it."

hmmm, i thought about it awhile. if i was him, will i be so generous to offer people half my dinner ?? and he did, without hesitation. ok, that's the first drop of true feelings i felt that day. i must do some reflection. but knowing me, as someone who is greedy and can't resist temptation of food, i won't give up much food to others. maybe a small portion is ok, but what about other things than food ?? hmm selfish person.

but one thing i always like to give up is love. i always give up love cause of something else. maybe because of his peers that cannot accept me. i mind about everything alot. because these small lil things can make the one i love happy or unhappy. ok, why am i saying this ?? the point is, why do i give up something when i know it's painful to do so ?? why i cannot give up others things which mean no harm without it ?? why am i so wierd ??? maybe food is more impt than love =.= whatever.

hiyah, enough of nonsense. Today even worse. Woke up around 12plus. Too lazy to go qualifying rounds for UGC. Though it’s the last round, but I never intended to qualify anyway. And guess what, the map for today is tuban wang lu dry, my forte. But I still didn’t go down. Ryo offered to sponsor me the registration fees if I qualify but I still didn’t want to go. Let others qualify la, I go there also free fag.

Headed to kovan for lunch around 3. ate quite a lot. Went to hougang mall to find boon ping. Saw that “micheal piao” there. He wasted a lot of qualifying spaces for the past few weeks. Yesterday he tyco qualify, so he jumped around(gayish huh??) the person he pushed down the ranking was kai qi, and oh-so-unlucky, he jumped and stepped on kaiqi’s feet. Kai qi almost wanted to give him a punch wahaha.
When I reached hougang mall, he was challenging this guy nicknamed “sark!”, the one who chickened out at the proposal of a match to him. I wanted to challenge him on the spot but he don’t dare haha. Then went to play other games, while boon ping challenged micheal piao haha.

Met my uncle and his family at plaza around 6pm. Went up to suki and had buffet there. My meal at thai express had barely been digested then. Now I hate food !!!! the look of food makes me wanna vomit, I don’t know why. You guys may wanna tell me that I’m pregnant, I don’t mind haha. Just kidding.

Uncle left halfway. So my mum and me went to shop around with my auntie and her kid. Had some fun time with the baby. Then went to their house, play play, help the baby bath then put him to sleep. Went home around 10plus.

Nothing much, my life sucks right now.

jolynn sucks

' SHATTERED <3>
12/04/2006 11:49:00 PM