When People Say Goodbye

the main reason why i'm here now is obviously because i cannot get to sleep.

yeah, i cried, i am a crybaby. a troublesome one. why am i soooooo stupid ?? what the use of crying and missing so much when he doesn't know it. what the use of all this when he won't care even he knows it. stupid f***ing bitch. all i know i cry and regret. what more can i do.

all i can do now is look at you from far, wishing that you'll always be ok.

i prayed to GOD for you life to be the most wonderful and smooth...

GOD: but everyone should have their share of downs. if i take them away from him, then where should i put them ??

ME: please put it all on me, because i owe him just too much. put it on me, because i wanna be the one who silently loves him.

i said that but half the time i wondered, can this ever happen?? maybe it can, as long as i tried. can you feel a heart beating just for you ?? a life that lives for you ?? perhaps, it's just a stalker that you feel, who cannot be shook off, and is more of a hindrance than help to you. that's why i hide behind the walls just for you not to see me but only me who can see you. i hope you'll be happier this way.

avoiding is all i can do now. i cannot do anything direct for you except for disappearing. the only way for me to forget is to avoid. though i really wanna work hand in hand with you for sucess but i may cause you more troubles instead. so i rather vanish from your sight. as you will never have me in your world. you said it will me better for me to look ahead and forget. it is now that i realise that you mean it and will never go back on your words.

after all these struggling, and waiting, you still don't love me. so i probably don't have much of a choice. remember what i said ??

" if you've found the confidence in me, that i'll stand by you through hardships .. then come back, i'll be waiting .. but please don't make me wait too long .. i'm tired .. i love you .. "

i guess these words of mine have to cease effect as from now onwards. i just told him that i'll avoid him for sometime. so maybe perhaps a few years down the road, we bump into each other, it'll be all so diff. him perhaps with his house, car, wife and kids. while me, just alone on my own, strolling the streets in search of my right one. take care love.

jolynn ponders
*the excruciating agony

' SHATTERED <3>
11/03/2006 02:14:00 AM