When People Say Goodbye

all the below posts are posted one day later =)

1st dec

i may have lost a thousand friends ( as if i have that many ) due to my f**king attitude or whatever shit. some i may feel the pinch but recently, i have lost many many many friends, however, i feel as if nothing had happened.

i am numbed by the thing called "life". in life, people say it consist of work play, family, friends blah blah blah. but i can only say, life is plainly AGONY. everything is like shit. life is just taste like the mixture of curry, tomato, chilli, mayonise, BBQ, sweet sour, teriyaki, pepper, salt, sugar, honey, jam, wasabi and tartar sauce. it just SUCK !!!!

i can't be bothered. even i'm left with no friends, i also can't be bothered. those who don't like me, you don't have to pretend anymore, wanna leave just leave. i'm sick of facing masks everyday. and the worse thing is, i see through them. how i wish i am that innocent to overlook everything.

a thousand casual friends is nothing compared to 1 true friend. where is the one ???

2nd dec

attended mr bay's wedding, felt a lil happy for him. why a lil ?? cause i've alrdy stated that i'm numbed. throughout the ceremony, my mind was in a total blank. the only thing i was wondering is "why is it taking so long ?? why is the pastor preaching instead of solemnising the marriage ??" ok that sounds rude but i don't know how to give people my blessings when i need god to bless me now.

went to jurong point after that. cheered up abit cause that's a place where i crap alot. when we went to KFC for dinner(sorry elmo, kfc again haha), there is one small yet unforgetable thing. elmo don't eat fish nor veg, so we bought the buddy meal, i took the fish he took the chicken. people who eat KFC with me often will know that 2 piece chicken is my fav. so when i see people eating it, i get tempted, but i just gave mine up to elmo since he can't eat fish.

then i told him "i hate to see people eat 2 piece chicken in front of me when i'm not eating it myself, cause i get very tempted."

so without complains, he offered me one of the pieces. at that point of time i was thinking "he doesn't like fast food, but he has a big appetite."

so i asked him "what if you not full ??"
he replied "you can have it, i'll get something else later. you like it, you can have it."

hmmm, i thought about it awhile. if i was him, will i be so generous to offer people half my dinner ?? and he did, without hesitation. ok, that's the first drop of true feelings i felt that day. i must do some reflection. but knowing me, as someone who is greedy and can't resist temptation of food, i won't give up much food to others. maybe a small portion is ok, but what about other things than food ?? hmm selfish person.

but one thing i always like to give up is love. i always give up love cause of something else. maybe because of his peers that cannot accept me. i mind about everything alot. because these small lil things can make the one i love happy or unhappy. ok, why am i saying this ?? the point is, why do i give up something when i know it's painful to do so ?? why i cannot give up others things which mean no harm without it ?? why am i so wierd ??? maybe food is more impt than love =.= whatever.

hiyah, enough of nonsense. Today even worse. Woke up around 12plus. Too lazy to go qualifying rounds for UGC. Though it’s the last round, but I never intended to qualify anyway. And guess what, the map for today is tuban wang lu dry, my forte. But I still didn’t go down. Ryo offered to sponsor me the registration fees if I qualify but I still didn’t want to go. Let others qualify la, I go there also free fag.

Headed to kovan for lunch around 3. ate quite a lot. Went to hougang mall to find boon ping. Saw that “micheal piao” there. He wasted a lot of qualifying spaces for the past few weeks. Yesterday he tyco qualify, so he jumped around(gayish huh??) the person he pushed down the ranking was kai qi, and oh-so-unlucky, he jumped and stepped on kaiqi’s feet. Kai qi almost wanted to give him a punch wahaha.
When I reached hougang mall, he was challenging this guy nicknamed “sark!”, the one who chickened out at the proposal of a match to him. I wanted to challenge him on the spot but he don’t dare haha. Then went to play other games, while boon ping challenged micheal piao haha.

Met my uncle and his family at plaza around 6pm. Went up to suki and had buffet there. My meal at thai express had barely been digested then. Now I hate food !!!! the look of food makes me wanna vomit, I don’t know why. You guys may wanna tell me that I’m pregnant, I don’t mind haha. Just kidding.

Uncle left halfway. So my mum and me went to shop around with my auntie and her kid. Had some fun time with the baby. Then went to their house, play play, help the baby bath then put him to sleep. Went home around 10plus.

Nothing much, my life sucks right now.

jolynn sucks

' SHATTERED <3>
12/04/2006 11:49:00 PM