When People Say Goodbye

well, life's still not going very well for me but i'll take it a step at a time.

i really hate my family now, more and more each day. i wonder if they really care for me or themselves. ask me go back home like so early, yet they don't wanna talk to me =.= they complain this about me that about me. other teenagers outside are like partying and going to chalets or staying overnight at their bestie's house, and me ?? going home at 10pm everyday. and guess what they say " so late already !!! you ar, everyday go out blah blah blah ..." everyday go out huh ??

i stay at home 4days in a week which is like miracle cause i never did it for the past 15years of my life. so if they think i'm really a bad child to have then why keep me at home ?? my mum says that it's dangerous for me to stay out late at night with my stubborn and dunno what temper, surely something is bound to happen to me, so by keeping me at home helps huh ?? if i continue staying at home like that, not learning how to step out in the society, i will change is it ?? that's just plainly some lame excuses la. want me stay at home, they also must do their part right. get things like SCV and proper internet connection ?? sofa instead of stupid wooden chairs.

actually i have nothing againse wooden chairs, it's just that i don't like sitting on them. so i never complained OK, i just sit on the floor. and my mum yak yak yak yak yak !!!! tell me why !!!! why are they making things soooooo diff and boring for me. why are they making my life like that. it's after "o" levels u know !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! not everyone gets more pocket money than me, but at least they have their own freedom unlike me. it's so diff not to see me at home for a day ?? then find something that will keep me at home luh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cannot even bring my friends home, then the house is like SHIT !!! and they blame me for not staying at home, like what FUCK is this !!!

i swear if nothing changes, i'll leave home at the age of 17, if not 21. when i have to ability to support myself, i shall leave home and depend on myself, that gives them no reason to keep me at home. so naive to think that like will be better after "o" levels, bullshit. it's only become worse. i hate my family, i hate them !!! now it's includes my mum too, cause she plays a very big part making the home like that. FUCK MY LIFE FUCK EVERYTHING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

why can't i have a happy family like most of the teenagers do ?? i don't wanna be rich, i don't want alot of money. i just need understanding parents that have trust in me. i need my freedom. or least parents who really care, cause if they did, they will know that i really need freedom. instead of tying me at home so they will feel at ease. how ridiculous.

scenario one

father calls....

father: why are you not back at this time(9.30pm) !!!

me: is it very late ?? other o level graduates are enjoying themselves at chalets and clubs, here u are complaining when i don't even stay out after 10pm.

father: where are you now, you better come home quick.

he's plainly ignoring my feelings la. so this is what they call "care". and guess what's the best thing about this whole incident ?? when i reach home, he goes out. SEE !!! does he have to chase me home successfully to show me that he cares ?? BULL SHIT LA !!! i don't know how angry am i now, but i just feel like running away, leading a normal like that a teenager should have. fancy not even being to a chalet or stay overnight even once after "o" levels. not even after midnight. DAMN !!!!

it's not like i wanna go clubbing at that types of places, even chalet also cannot ?? they are really going overboard.

fine i listen to them i stay at home. so in the day, TV programmes are boring (who ask them not to get SCV) so i sleep in the day. and watch movie at night until next morning. they also wanna scold me, just what do they want !!! this cannot that cannot. they love to see me soooo much, i stand in front of them, they also scold. when i don't go out, they find me a hindrance at home, then WHAT !!! FUCKING IDIOTS !!!

i'm trying soooo hard to please them and they are like taking it for granted. wait till i run away from home, they report to police. if the police know the problem, they will ask them to gimme freedom, by then that will definitely have no choice. even if they wanna see me, they also won't get to. if not i wait till i'm of legal age, i just stay out whenever i like. i've already warned them and told them straight in front of their faces " either u give me more freedom now, or u wait till i run away from u.." they choose to do this, they wait and see, i'll make them regret. and maybe i should just tell them "giving me more money don't help, because i have no means of spending them, stupid !!!"

if they are nicer people i wouldn't have mind staying at home, but all they say is nonsense that doesn't make sense at all, so they expect me to be the same and believe what they say ?? come on !!! i have my life, i can't keep living for you selfish bastards. what do they get used to me being around ?? i have to leave them one day.

when will they ever try to understand me with a heart of a parent who really love their child ?? how can i possibly talk to them when all they think of is themselves ?? they may say that it's for the sake of me, but it was never true. i'm forced to go home just for them to see me and feel at ease, not for the sake of safety. no one ever cared if i'm happy, no one ever spared a thought for me. they had never gave me a complete childhood, and now they are stopping me from living my life. did they give birth to me for me to die ??

they don't seem that bad as they look, but if u live with them it's really soooo terrible. why can't i have normal parents who care and love for their child like others do ?? why can't i exchange money for these happiness ?? sighs

' SHATTERED <3>
12/15/2006 05:57:00 PM