When People Say Goodbye

ok fine, though i said it's the end, but i think they got the point wrongly.

ok i read through, and found out that i typed the word "bitch" on her in a state of pique, that i'm sorry. but i don't see why she has to intentionally repeat it over and over again. if i did it on purpose, it would be all over my post. so does it mean if i scold you once, it's totally alright to scold me back 10times more ??

and as for who started it, i'm not referring to the flamings in the blogs. i'm talking about the actual scenario. in case you don't remember, this is a small "reanactment" of the incident.

you: "i think you and jarrel cannot sit together lor, he always feed you, we also don't have."

both of us a lil pissed off but brushed it off later ...

me: game, 4 tai ..

you gladly threw the coins towards me, until they dropped on the floor and i had to pick it up. i was very pissed, but still manage to control my temper.

as the game passes, seat changes, so we took a lil break.

you whispered to eunice, i guessed what it was already but just kept quiet.

i never gamed except for one. after that your boy arrives, again you whisper.

i was thinking "the matter cooled down already, why are you still spreading it ?? and why can't you tell me on the spot ??" very pissed already.

while waiting for eunice's boy to arrive ....

jarrel threw a tile, i "pong" ..

you: even if jarrel sit opposite you, he will also give you win one lor.

me thinking: now what does that mean ?? what you really want ?? sit where you also buay song.

that's the end of the reanactment. this is the start of the matter i'm referring to. if i don't blare off in my blog, then you expect me to scold you when her mum is around ?? you know what is limits ??

if everything stopped earlier, before the throwing of coins and blaming of our sitting positions, i would never have gotten so worked up.

if you said that he was being biased in his blog, well fine .. guo wen was also bias ?? if he can side with you, then jarrel can't ?? and it's obvious enough that he didn't cause he didn't say i was totally right. i have my attitude, i show it, i know it. but at least i don't say overboard things to friends because you don't reap the benefits of an ex-gf.

you can brush it off with that sentence about fairness, of course you can. you are not the one being targetted at what. you don't feel the hurt of that sentence you made, of course you can forget it so easily. if i were to say that wherever you and guo wen sit, both of you sure let each other win. you eh lun is it ?? you feel very good ??

and i wanna strongly emphasize that jarrel DID NOT have the intention of letting me win purposely to create those unfairness. if no amount of explanation can be excepted, then you will still deny it what. he gave each and everyone of us the same chances to eat what.

if you still insist that jarrel was feeding me on purpose, then i can just unreasonably assume that "eunice feed you all the nice tiles because you are her good friend. jarrel fed you just now because he once liked you. you and guo wen whispered during mahjong cause you help him cheat." CAN I ?? if i can do that, then you go ahead lor.

PLUS, when he was sitting opposite me, he never even let me win once. all he did was let me pong "qing fa" for the whole damn round and you all can blame him for that ?? it's your good friend and you let me win can. so who's shifting anything directed at them ?? you or me ??

from the start till now, i was only talking about this matter, so i see no reason how i started it ??

and one more even worse thing. due to absence of your boy during that incident,

you said "yes it's very disadvantage for me that guowen wasn't there that day. but he don't need to be there to witness the whole unfairness thing. even before that day, when we played with u and ur ex, we already feel that u're being unfair. it can be seen and felt one ok? if you want to insist you never be unfair, i also have nth to say. "

does the past in anyway relate to this issue ?? i'm talking about what you have said to jarrel even though we already sat opposite.

AND !!! in the past, he sat opposite me most of the time. even if he sat next to me, he seldom feed me. you have witnessed me scolding him for not feeding me at all, so where does the unfairness come from ?? when i sat next to him, both of us kept losing, not winning. unfair ?? how ?? he don't need to insist that he is fair, he already was. you of course have nothing to say, what else can you say ??

you always say we pass things off but you do too. he said that sentence which you said had betrayed him. well i can say that you totally misintepreted him. what he meant was he will be more alert against me already. is it a very wise way of rebutting by finding faults with his choice of language?

and you have misunderstood so many points that i have trouble breathing while reading your blog. i said it was NOMB how you directed your anger at your boy. YES !!! but did you read the later part ?? when i said it affects the mood of the other players and could cause physical injury ?? this is the part where it becomes our business you get it ?? i never wanted comment on what you say to your boy, but what you threw at him. so next time if i'm unhappy, i can flip the table and say it was for jarrel ?? you allow that ??

another point misunderstood again. i didn't say he being tired then it becomes your fault. but it's because he being tired, and you are blaming him the wrong way by saying that he was siding with me. you could have just warned him to be more alert instead of accusing us of being in cahoots that very instant.

"if u want to say about his fatique, i dont think that's our problem. he can tell us he's tired and postponed the game."

from here i can just say that you totally have no heart for your friend. not your problem ?? but he's your friend ?? playing with you ?? and he did tell us that he was tired but he already arrived. and you all had no intention of postponing the game also. if you really said this for his own good, why didn't you initiate the postpone ?? and can actually blame him for no reason ?? he merely wanted everyone to be happy and play the game. he didn't wanna change plans the last min to spoil our moods. your friend, eunice, ain't always available, plus you not wanting to play on the same table as your boy. did he have much choice ??

you said you weren't bent on letting me lose. but jarrel also could see that the tiles you throw really damn kuku lor. if it's not big tiles then it's tiles that i just thrown out. so much of a coincidence, AND FOR THE WHOLE POK MIND YOU. you didn't win in that pot either, if it's really such a coincidence, then why when you open up your tiles, it's still so messy after so many rounds ?? but this is not impt unless you are using this as an excuse to say that i didn't win after jarrel wasn't sitting next to me. if you didn't said that, i wouldn't have pointed this out, because it was all too true.

about my tone of anger. don't say it like you know me very well. when i'm angry i don't scold vulgarities, instead i become sacarstic. the level of sacarsm depends on my level of anger. so don't assume that i'm angry when i look like i am, cause you barely know me. i didn't contradict myself at all, because i mentioned that no matter what i scolded or said to him, he downright in his heart knows that i'm not one bit angry with him. jarrel himself has seen me angry for less than 3times, and he knows the diff. he only sees it 3 times, so what makes you think that you know me so well to know when i'm really angry ?? as i already said, don't pretend to know, don't assume. what's going on between me and jarrel, we know it ourself, and i show it light enough to make people think i'm angry but only for awhile. compared to your actions, it's many notches below already because your face totally blacken sometimes, and never gets back to original before a long period of time. that's not what i say, but jarrel too. i think he knows you long enough to know that.

and you still insist that jarrel was afraid of winning small pots. all i can say to myself is "bah !!" and "YEAH RIGHT". i tiao him whenever he does that, but he knows that i'll smile later on. i scold him "si jarrel, chou jarrel." then so what ?? if he was so afraid then why did he win ?? again, don't assume. how many times must i say ??

"it seems like you just want to shift anything directed at you to something not so serious like saying you did that for fun.. or that jarrel knows that you're not angry etc. why say all these when you weren't like that? and when things have complicated to thus far, you try to want to cool it down, when u started it? i dont get it."

i choose what i wanna say, NOYB. if you don't know what i'm trying to mean, then don't get your own meaning cause you are not me. by doing so, you wouldn't have confused yourself.

you don't get it ?? because i can tell you that i'm already being very calm typing useless essays like that. i already mentioned that if i really wanna blow things up and scold, it would have been much worse than this. same point again, you don't get it because YOU DON'T KNOW ME. ok ??

"i dont understand why things become like that, when we weren't looking for trouble."

of course you didn't understand. why ?? i tell you now. cause the main reason is simply because you didn't take into consideration before you commented about your friend's integrity. you aren't looking for trouble, but you created it already. but saying those to hurt your friend who didn't mean anything. even me, i don't know if you did regard me as your friend, but my character was threatened by your words, it was totally smeared. please, i don't need to do such a thing with jarrel just to win 20cents or at most 9.60. your words just sound like we are some conmen. have you even talked about it ??

seems like you have yet to touch one the reason why you said that, and you have not explained your intention of saying that also. instead of writing the whole essay of rubbish like what i'm doing, why don't you explain yourself ?? why didn't you clarify your words in the 1st place ??

now i ask you once again. why did you decide to continue to let other people know about this even after the matter died down ?? to warn people against us or just for the sake of letting people know how "unfair" it was to you ??

2nd question: when you said "even if jarrel sit opposite her, he also will purposely let her win one lor."

i think you need to explain alot on that. because these two question are the vital reason where i flared up in my blog at first.

"if you still want to insist its our fault, we really have nth to say. since the major issue is you jarrel, and apparently, you ARE siding her. then, case close liao lor.. since whatever we say is wrong."

we never insisted it was your fault. what i wanted was for you to take some part of the fault because everything you said on that day and subsequent ones, only seem that we are the only ones causing this. so even if we played "unfair", you don't have to apologise for that hurting statement ?? all you have to do was to point out our mistakes and not correct yours ?? that sentence was too one-sided, so i just wanna make things even clearer.

if you only bother to say that we are unfair, then i can also just blog about how insensitive you are to people's feelings. but i didn't, i went further to explain the misunderstanding. if you hadn't condemned that idea, you would have try to accept part of our explanation. but all you did was to rebutt and say that our reasons cannot be accepted because it's not your problem.

plus with your closing of this case with jarrel IS siding me, you already revealed all your thoughts regarding this matter and will not be able to accept any explanation. you already condemned us, don't deny it. there isn't any way for you to think through and give a thought for your good friend, not to say me, who was equally upset about your words before any clarification.

we didn't say whatever you say is wrong, it's you who refused whatever we say. you said that i had poor character, i accepted it. all the other unhappiness you mentioned, i tried to explain. i'm the one doing explanation here, so nobody can say you are wrong, because you are the one reading the explanations, not the one trying to clear yourself. all you need to do was to say that this is not accepted, that is not your prob, who else can tell you that you are wrong ?? you tell me lor.

sorry but i really have to say this. i know i was very harsh in the 1st post, but at that point of time, i really thought that she deserve it because of what she repeatedly do to hurt the feelings of her friend and put him in a diff spot. i won't take back my words except *****. i was harsh but can you all think about the reason behind my harshness ?? because the hurt was already inflicted. and by doing that before even thinking, that just goes to show how much she cares for her friend's feelings, which i think was totally unbearable.and me being targetted at too, also would not feel good to have heard it. to be accused and maligned.

then ... tell me, who wouldn't be harsh or upset towards the person who accused you ?? who can still smile at her and say "thank you" ?? i already tried my best to hide my displeasure throughout the dinner and the game, so i think i already did what i should.

' SHATTERED <3>
3/05/2007 12:19:00 AM