When People Say Goodbye

well and the story goes on and on again ....

about guarding part, you should have noticed that jarrel didn't really guard you when you were sitting next to him ?? after i changed places, i didn't win, you didn't also. not because you weren't feeding me like jarrel did, because you were bent on letting me lose. so you fed me once in a blue moon, so much that you can't even win yourself. if people purposely want you to lose, there's no way you can win. and given to jarrel's condition that day, how are you gonna blame him for not guarding ?? for goodness sake, he don't even have enough energy to play his own set. get that right in your peabrain.

oh ya, after jarrel stopped feeding me, i still won alright ?? i zi mo, and you also fang pao give me. why i won with jarrel sitting next to me ?? not because he purposely let me win, because he's not like you, bent on having me to lose the game. he's not as narrow-minded.

why was i so pissed when jarrel ain't feeding me anymore ?? in case you don't get the meaning, it was very indirectly directed at you, not him. even jarrel knows that, cause it was clear enough that jarrel didn't dare to even feed me after that crude comment you made. who scares him ?? you not me.

can you be really sure you don't blame people when you lose ?? you already contradicted yourself by saying that you direct your anger at your boy, not us. and in the first place, if you had directed your anger at me, i still will keep quiet. and then you will just say that nothing of that sort happened. not that it never happened, just that i just didn't take it to heart. so even if you did, you wouldn't know, cause no one told you.

oh ya, i always say thanks when you feed me something nice. on most occasion i would, unless it slipped off my mind. whenever i try to be nice, you will nv rmb one what, when i frown you'll rmb it for the rest of your life. it's every human's instinct to do that, so you don't have to deny anything. even if you forgotten that i thanked you, there's nothing i can do.

jarrel afraid of winning me ?? he was passing that comment to shoot me back when i kind of "blamed" him for fun ?? you don't know what's going on, so don't be a smart-alec here. jarrel always like to say those things so i will pretend to be guilty. sometimes he says "ok lor, then i don't talk." you think we really mean it ?? please la, look wider, not everything is to be harped on. if you let every single thing affect you, you will die of heart attack too soon. i had never in anyway threatened jarrel to let me win, so why do you bother if he's really scared or whether is it obvious enough ?? it's not a show for you girl.

if i'm the one who can't lose a cent, then there's something you should know. i'm not a millionaire, but i'm rich enough to shove a dollar coin into the arse of everyone in my sec school. what's more, it's 10-20 cents, not even 20-40. it's a damn small stake can. i don't complain about money for your information. so if your friend wants to stuff coins into my mouth, ask him/her to come do so, i'll be waiting. waiting for the day when he/she has that guts. i dare him/her to do, and i reckon that he/she will never in his/her life dare to do it. if he/ she has enough coins, then ask them come stuff it in my mouth la, kpkb there for what. at most i drop it in the cans of those orchard road singers, see if they bear to part with their money like that =.=

and the same issue, i never blamed jarrel for winning or letting people win, he knew it was a casual remark, and full-stop. when you didn't feed me last time, did i ever say i lose because of you ?? i only said if you gave me one more, i will be so close to winning, and that's to sum up my set of tiles. no more ?? so where the blame comes from ?? and thank you for cursing me to go to hell, because i never said i was such and angel to deserve heaven. like you ?? even if i go to hell, i'll gladly accept it cause i made the mistakes. =.=

if you haven't noticed, when guowen was playing, he won and you were so happy clapping. when i won a big one, you whispered something that i couldn't bother to listen cause i could have guessed it. it was effing damn obvious, written on your beautiful face. i don't have ethics, but i don't go around accusing people of cheating. because as you said, it's purely coincidence. last time when i sat next to jarrel, he never fed me so much, so he feeds me now, and you are barking like what ?? i never expected him to feed so much also, but he tired and you can blame him ??

even if your anger wasn't directed at anyone, but your boy, it's already bad enough. he win then win la, throw those tiles so hard at him for what ?? even when i throw it at jarrel, i throw it light enough to pass off as a joke. it hits his shirt lightly and slide off, you ?? hit the center of the ribcage everytime. you know that you boy is skinny, but you may not know that point is vital and could accidentally cause his life. so from here, apparently you are over-venting on your boy. but in general, ignoring the fact that you two are couples, this type of anger should not be directed at anyone no matter how close you are to them, cause it's very physically dangerous and it's ONLY MAHJONG. and you are taking it too far to the extent where your boy sometimes have trouble keeping his sadness to himself. i know it's none of my business, but your attitude and actions affect everyone playing on that table. it's not only you and your boy can. i know that your boy is very understanding towards you, but that doesn't mean you have to do that lor.

about the same thing, fang shui part, jarrel never did that can. you all already saw that he fell asleep so quickly on the sofa when we just arrived, he couldn't even pay full attention lor. since when i think with no reason ?? if you and your boy did that, the most i would do is to avoid it, or just keep quiet and not initiated another session in future. no need for crude and unnecessary remarks. of course, accusation this time round.

about the whispering part, i AM VERY SURE that i wasn't the one who started it. you may say you didn't but of course you don't remember cause it doesn't affect you one bit. you remembered that i whispered cause it affected you, but i did that after you started whispering to eunice. this fact i am very damn sure about it. and i whispered only once to jarrel ?? and that thing concerns none of you ?? those that you heard weren't whispers at all, so i don't care if you hear it or not. because even if i don't like you, there's no point keeping it to myself, i dare say it to jarrel, i dare say it to you. you heard it, SO WHAT'S THE EFFING BIG DEAL ABOUT IT ??

and one thing which you may deny but it's the truth cause jarrel heard it himself. you said "even if jarrel were to sit opposite me, he will also purposely let me win one lor" so what's that about can i ask ?? it's enough to infer your condemns towards us. even if he did nothing wrong, you will still think that he did, so why argue when you know you can't accept facts at this point ?? it's getting nowhere, there's no videotape i can show to prove you wrong. if you say you are right and people believe, i let them do so, cause your ren yuan better than mine i got nothing to say. you yourself also can't really remember the details, so why pin point on me ?? i start first you start first. even if i let you win by saying i started everything, i could have just continued to say that you were just as bad because you continued it ?? there's no concrete evidence to subtantiate your accusations, so just STFU.

and the most impt part, your last paragraph.

"OH YA, I HAVE TO LET YOU KNOW. IT'S NOT ONLY ME WHO THINKS THAT JARREL FANG SHUI TO YOU OK?!! OTHERS THINK SO TOO. SO TOO BAD, IT'S JUST SO OBVIOUS THAT EVERYONE CAN TELL."

you use the word "THINK", what you think, it's your own bloody business. obvious things may not be true. so when you go to town when it's very crowded, your wallet gets stolen and the person behind you coincidentally has his hand hooked to your bag, he must be the thief ?? stop being so shallow to think think think. think already just point fingers, don't even know how to talk it out. you think by starting to shout "unfair" you win already is it ?? what can you do to prove that it's really so unfair ?? i saw jarrel feeding you just as well later ?? so what's so unfair about that ?? it just happened that i'm sitting beside him at that point of time and i'm his ex-gf, it's unfair to me not you can !!! cause of my status being his ex-gf. means he keep feeding you it's not unfair la, feed me then must shout already la !!! lame.

"AND!! IM ALSO NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO DISLIKE YOU. YOU ARE SOMEONE WITH A LOUSY CHARACTER AND I DUNO WHY MY FRIEND AM SO HOOKED TO YOU. JARREL, EVEN IF YOU ARE OFFENDED, I DONT CARE. COS SHE STEPPED ON MY TAIL FIRST!! F*** OFF BLODDY BITCH! LASTLY, NO ONE LIKES TO PLAY MAHJONG WITH YOU EXCEPT JARREL AND MAYBE THOSE FRIENDS OF YOURS. "

oh i can say that i don't care whether you really don't like me or not. i sensed that contempt very long ago, but i didn't give a damn about it. my character lousy or not, i don't need you to judge.

why is your dear friend hooked to me ?? OMG, a smart-alec point of view again. since when was he HOOKED to me ?? he can live w/o me and we are just close friends. hooked ?? like what ?? fish ??

he was already offended when you made the 1st sentence. oh, and i stepped on your effing tail first. oh is it ?? maybe you don't remember again. it was you who started saying that we two can't sit together cause he always feeds me like he never did to others. from that point of time, we both were already downright offended by your groundless accusations. you should have seen it very clearly in his expression. he didn't rebutt you cause he don't have the habit of argueing with girls. he take one step back, but you choose to bring it further by telling your friend, her bf, your bf and god knows who else. we already kept quiet, it's you who continue harping on that issue.

and in the last round of "dong" when i won the 5tai, i could see from your face that you were still unhappy. but you couldn't say anything because it's your good friend who fed me all the way and let me win knowing that i was waiting for that type of tiles. but if you want to argue, you will say that, if not for the "qing fa" jarrel discarded, i would not have won. oh but too bad, he had no choice but to throw if not he can't game. if you try to deny that, i can tell you that jarrel heard it with his own ears that even when he sits opposite, you will still say that he let me win.

i don't need the world to like me like you do. all my friends know that, cause i never cared if people like me or not, unless they are of paramount importance to me. in this case, it's not you of course.

just admit that you ain't happy with wherever we are sitting, don't go on ranting about unfairness and bullshit. because even if he keeps feeding you, you will still say the same thing. because every fucking shit you said is to your own benefit and nothing of justice. at least i can admit i'm a soreloser but not as sore as you. i can admit that i will go to hell and i'm bad enough to. i can admit that i'm petty to throw small tantrums. i can admit that i'm a bitch most of the time, the prob is, CAN YOU ??

"I AM SO SORRY YOU ARE FAR WORSE OFF THAN ME. B.I.T.C.H"

you don't have to be sorry because it's just that there's yet to be anyone to tell you about your attitudes. if we both can survive in singapore, how far better can you be ?? can you say that everyone you helped was right from the bottom of your heart and not forced by yourself to do so ?? you never felt any drop of reluctance ?? come on, stop deceiving yourself, you are human, unless you are one w/o instincts.

since i'm a bitch as you said, quit argueing with me then. i can argue my way out if i want to. but i don't stoop so low to call people ugly names. notice, i didn't even scold you bitch or ask you to die. i believe you need basic respect, i give it to you, but i don't expect you to return if you don't want to. you can use all the sacarsm, for hell i care !!!

you are right, earth don't need people like me. but i never made myself sound as impt as you did to yourself. i am not queen, i'm just an ant that someone petty woman cannot spare not condemning me. so even if i do the right thing, it always ends up wrong. POINT TAKEN.

AND !!! OPEN YOUR EFF-ING EYES TO READ YOUR DEAR FRIEND JARREL'S BLOG. I'M NOT MAKING NOISE BECAUSE I'M ANGRY. IT'S BECAUSE YOU HAVE WRONGLY ACCUSED SOMEONE AND PASS IT OFF AS WE BEING UNFAIR. GO SEE HOW MUCH YOUR GROUNDLESS COMMENT HAVE HURT YOUR FRIEND.

before you talk about whatever reflection on me, have you done yours ?? i edited this post after i read jarrel's blog because i felt that his piece made more sense than our one-sided stories. flaming here and there, are you even aware of how he feels ??

before you passed that comment, have you even thought about how it feels to hear it ?? you surely at some point of your life have been accused, and you forget how it feels because you ain't the one being accused ?? how not to be sensitive here ?? every word can affect, and that's your good friend as you claim. i wonder if you really cared. why he still loves me even though i have a lousy character is NOYB. just care about how you even treasure your friend before you bother about why he likes me after all this.

call me bitch, or whatever, i don't give a damn. i'm doing this cause i feel the need to clarify his conscience before ppl misunderstand him. as i know somehow this have been caused indirectly by me. at least i take responsibilty for what i say, unlike you, just say and forget. leaving others to bear the hurt and misunderstanding. i am a busybody to say it so loud. but he's my ex. EX i know, but can't i care as a friend ?? and it somehow concerns me too.

' SHATTERED <3>
3/04/2007 12:01:00 AM